Saturday, February 07, 2009

Introducing "The Endive"

Here is a posting from a site called "The Endive" which is essentially a conservative answer to "The Onion". If this posting is any indication as to what we can expect from these guys in the coming years then at least something good will have come from this entire Obama mess.

Obama Taps his Kenyan Half-Brother to Improve Stimulus Plan

President Barack Obama presented improvements to his economic stimulus plan following an outpouring of criticism from Republican Senators.

“My half brother George just informed me via e-mail that he has just inherited the sum of $66.6 billion American dollars, but he fears losing it to his corrupt government,” said the President, “Therefore, we can help each other out at the same time. All we have to do is set up an account for him here in America. For this, he promises to give us 95 percent of the money.”

According to the President, George Obama is ready to transfer the funds immediately; he just needs $5,000 U.S. dollars for the wire transfer and Kenyan legal fees. The President’s plan generated optimism in the Senate.

“This is the best plan I’ve heard in years. A small investment of taxpayer money will pay off in spades as soon as George makes that wire transfer,” said Chris Dodd, D-CT, “If the American people don’t accept this plan, I may go ahead and do it myself. I didn’t even realize they had that kind of money in Kenya!”

“We tried a similar plan in Vermont,” said Patrick Leahy, D-VT, “A nice young gentleman from Nigeria was on his death bed and didn’t want the government taking his money. We set up an account for him and sent him $3,000 U.S. dollars in legal and wire fees. We also went ahead and sent him another $5,000 for radiation treatment and $8,500 to keep the Nigerian government off his back. He plans to transfer the money any day now, and boy are we excited!”

Republicans weren’t quite as excited, but didn’t seem all that motivated to do anything about it.

“Yeah, I got a similar e-mail from a young man in Zimbabwe,” said Lindsey Graham, R-SC, “But I decided to ignore that e-mail and instead respond to the one that promised me that she will love me more if I take two pills a day and become huge. I’m looking forward to becoming huge.”

“I found quite a deal on Viagra,” said Lamar Alexander, R-TN, “It must’ve saved the taxpayers at least $200. I wasn’t really paying attention to Obama’s plan. It probably involves too much spending, though.”

The President finished his presentation of the amended plan with a word of outreach to all Senators.

“If we pass this thing,” said Obama, “Not only will George give us billions of dollars, but he has promised to throw in an entire bag of weed.”

“Is that reefer?” said Robert Byrd, D-WV, “I like the reefer.”

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